The Tale of the Stupid Oaf

As I was saying, beloveds, I moved to Tekka's village permanently, which means my stay there was longer than usual. I rented a little apartment, and met the landlord to look it over and get the key (that's yet another story!). The landlord pointed out that the door was very special, and added just a tiny amount to the rent, because, he said, this type of door was in great demand. The special effect was that it was a two-way door: you could go out as well as in! Believe me, I was impressed. I suspected the window might also be special, and what do you know...I was right! The window was also a special two-way window: you could see out as well as in.

"That's wonderful!" I told the landlord, and took it, because the rent was really very reasonable. As soon as I had moved in (this process involved laying my little pack in the corner), I went to find the most important person in the village. I wanted to know what the local customs were, the rules of the village, and so on, so I could be a good citizen.

The most important person was a man (today that might not be the case) who lived near the center of the village. I went to him and said,
"Oh honored sir, I beg of you a few minutes to enlighten me. I have just moved to this village, and wish to know the customs and rules so I may be a good citizen."

The important person cleared his throat impatiently, and said, "I have much important work to do! I have no time for you! But I am passing by your house at two o'clock. Meet me then."
"You know where I live?" I was amazed at his omniscience.
"I own the building," he said gruffly.

"Two o'clock, then!" I replied, and I went to the market to buy some vegetables. I bought a few vegetables for my dinner: carrots, onions, beet greens, and my favorite...lentils! Then I found a comfortable tree in the square and sat down to watch the people in the marketplace.
I felt a little drowsy, but kept myself awake, until I didn't. I woke with a start, and saw that the shadows were long; the sun was low, and it was very late. I jumped up and ran to my apartment as fast as I could. There I found someone had taken a piece of white stone and scratched on my door, "STUPID OAF."

I hurried to the important person's place, and bowed low, and told him,
"Oh, sir, I am so sorry I missed our appointment. I remembered it, though, as soon as I saw you had written your name on my door!"

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The Sweetest Strawberry the World Has Ever Known!

Nasreddin must cross a desert and a jungle to go to his friend's village. The desert was easy to cross and just need twelve days under the burning sun until he meet the Jungle.

The jungle has a narrow path, and on either side was thick and noisy, a way that made Nasreddin feel a little nervous. But his love to Tekka,his friend, made him had to go.

Then he started off through the jungle, and the path was not so bad when his eyes got used to the gloom. Nasreddin was walking happily along, when he heard a noise behind him: "shahh... shahh... shahh." He looked over his shoulder, and saw, to his surprise, a tiger was also taking a walk through the jungle!

"Ah," He said to himself, "which was the best I could do in the circumstances". Then Nasreddin had a thought, which was fortunate. "It is never too late to begin an exercise regimen. Why not start with jogging, for your health, that is."

So there he was, jogging through the jungle, enjoying what remained to him of his health, when he heard a sound behind him: "shahh...shahh...shahh."

Nasreddin looked over his shoulder again, and – what do you know!– the tiger had also taken up jogging! Although he think the tiger was less interested in excersise, and more interested in nutrition!

Due to the beneficial effects of exercise, Nasreddin brain was functioning more efficiently. "If you can jog, surely you can run," he told myself. "Why not try for a world record?" It's amazing how quickly you can come to an agreement with yourself. Nasreddin began immediately to see if He could set a new world record for land speed running. He tore through that jungle as if the path were a highway.

The Value of Truth

‘If you want truth’, Nasrudin told a group of Seekers who had come to hear his teachings, ‘you will have to pay for it.’

‘But why should you have to pay for something like truth?’ asked one of the company.

‘Have you noticed’, said Nasrudin, ‘that it is the scarcity of a thing which determines its value?’

Nasreddin was certain a world record was within his grasp, if only a judge with a stopwatch had been there. And when He heard a familiar sound behind him, which He probably don't have to explain sounded like "shhahh-shhahh-shhahh," He didn't even have to stop and look to know the tiger was also bent on setting a world record.

So there they were, the two athletes running like the wind through the jungle! It was thrilling! It was exciting! It was terrifying! Suddenly, there was no jungle!
There was no path either, only the blue sky, and a cliff, and Nasruddin, falling down it. He said, "Aaauughh!!" but it did no good. So he grabbed onto a bush.
(Did you ever notice, every single time you fall down a cliff, there's a bush to grab onto. Check it out for yourself!)

So after grabbed this bush, and held on for dear life,Nasreddin clung to it with all his strength, which he needed, because there was the tiger looking down at him, saying "shhahh...shhahh...shhahh." "Don't you know any other words?" Nasruddin said. Apparently not, because the tiger continued to say the same thing over and over.

Nasreddin looked desperately about him for a way out, and could find none. Then He noticed the roots of the bush begin to pull out of the cliff, one by one.

"Nasruddin," he said, and he have a little song he sing to himself when he is in trouble, which seems to be more and more often these days, "Nasruddin, you have been in better sit-u-a-tions." It's a nice little song, very comforting. It certainly helped at that moment.

Then he heard a sound behind and below him that sounded strangely familiar: "shhahh...shhahh...shhahh."

"Wait!" he said to himself, "I thought I left that sound safely up above!" Nasreddin looked down, and saw that the bad always comes with the good. Why is that, do you think? The good was that the cliff was not very high, and he would not be hurt if he fell. The bad was the other tiger standing below him, looking up!

There he was, hanging on the face of a cliff from a bush whose roots were pulling out, with a tiger above him and a tiger below him. Nasreddin thought it was a good moment for his little song, so he sang again, "Nasruddin, you have been/ in better sit-u-a-tions." It had its effect – his head was clear, and he cast about desperately for a way out of his predicament. I assure you I didn't think of the word predicament at the time.

Nasreddin looked on both sides, and suddenly spied a little green bush, with a single red berry. It was a wild strawberry! Now, his philosophy is always to enjoy yourself to the fullest, wherever you are. So he got a good grip with his toes, which are considerable, and held the bush with one hand, and reached out, risking all, and picked that strawberry.

And did he eat it? Oh, yes, my beloveds, he did. And he is here to tell you that if you are hanging on a cliff from a bush that is pulling out by the roots, and there is a tiger above you and a tiger below you, and you find a strawberry and you eat it, that will be the sweetest strawberry the world has ever known!

* * *
But wait...what about the tigers, and the cliff? How is he here to tell the tale? Well, here it is: they were nearsighted tigers, and when they got a close look at Nasreddin, they lost their appetites.

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Nasreddin- Two questions for $100

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A Mullah is always considered as a wise man, and Nasreddin is considered as a mullah. Everybody would ask him questions concerning aspects of their lives.

A woman: "Oh, Mulla Nasruddin, please tell me what I should do about my daughter!"

Nasreddin: "I'm sorry, sister, but you must work that out for yourself. I don't have a daughter, so I cannot tell you anything useful."

A Man: "Mulla Nasruddin! My business is in terrible trouble! What should I do?"

Nasreddin: "Brother,you see I don't have a business, so I cannot tell you anything useful."

Crowd: "But you are such a wise man, Mulla Nasruddin! Please help us, please!"

Nasreddin: "All right, here's what you should do..."

Curious crowd: "Yes? Yes?"

Nasreddin: "Pray to Allah for wisdom."

Tamerlane: "There's no word called 'LOOSE' in my Dictionary."

Nasreddin: "Next time if you buy a Dictionary, you should have checked it before."

They was not so happy with this answer. But the situation got completely out of hand. People began to pester Nasreddin with questions night and day.

He was sleeping in the starlight on his roof, and a pebble hit him on the forehead. On reflection, it was more of a stone than a pebble. He feared it might have done permanent damage. so he looked over the edge, and there in the street was a man looking up. "Mulla Nasreddin, are you asleep?"

"I find it hard to sleep when stones are falling from Heaven," Nasreddin said.

Man: "It was only a little pebble, Mulla, besides, I have a question."

Nasreddin: "Brother, it is the middle of the night!"

Man: "My question is very important, or I would not have disturbed you. Please come down and we can discuss it."

Nasreddin: "Just give me the gist of it, and I'll ponder it on my way down."

Man: "I need to know, Mulla Nasreddin, should I tell a prospective buyer that my donkey is sick?"

Nasreddin: "I don't need to come down for that one. Of course you should! Honesty is required of you. And as it is also required of me, I tell you honestly that question could have waited till morning; go home!"

So it was, day and night, Nasreddin couldn't even brush his teeth without being interrupted with questions. He brandished his miswak, his tooth-brushing twig, but somehow no one was frightened.

Finally Nasreddin hit upon a solution. Beside his door he put a sign that said in large letters, "Two questions for $100."

Peace at last! Days went by with no questions; it was lovely. But finally a rich man came to Nasreddin's door with a bag of gold hanging from his belt.

"Nasruddin!" he called out.

Nasreddin came to the door. "May I help you?"

"You are fortunate today," he said. "I have plenty of money."

"You are the fortunate one,"Nasreddin replied.

"I can afford your two questions," he said, and raised one eyebrow. Nasreddin have always wished I could do that.

"So we are both fortunate," Nasreddin said .

"Indeed," the man said. "But, don't you think one hundred dollars is a little expensive for just two questions?"

"Yes it is," Nasreddin replied. "And what is your second question?"

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Tale of the Doomed Prince

Once upon a time there was a king in Egypt whose heart was heavy because that he had no son. He called upon the gods, and the gods heard, and they decreed that an heir should be born to him. In time came the day of the child's birth. The seven Hathors (Fates) greeted the prince and pronounced his destiny; they said he would meet with a sudden death, either by a crocodile, or a serpent, or a dog.
The nurses informed the king what the Hathors had said, and the heart of His Majesty was troubled. He commanded that a house should be erected in a lonely place, so that the child might be guarded well, and he provided servants, and all kinds of luxuries, and gave orders that the prince should not be taken outside his safe retreat.
It came to pass that the boy grew strong and big. One day he climbed to the flat roof of the house. Looking down, he saw a dog which followed a man, and wondered greatly thereat.
Then he spoke to one of the servants, saying: "What is that which follows the man walking along the road?" "That," answered the servant, "is a dog." ' The boy said: "I should like to have one for myself. Bring a dog to me." When he spoke thus, the servant informed the king. His Majesty said: "Let him have a young boar hunter, so that he may not fret." So the prince was given a dog as he had desired. The boy grew into young manhood, and his limbs were stout; he was indeed a prince of the land. He grew restless in the lonely house, and sent a message to his royal father, saying: "Hear me. Why am I kept a prisoner here? I am destined to die either by a crocodile, a serpent, or a dog; it is the will of the gods. Then let me go forth and follow my heart's desire while I live.' His Majesty considered the matter, and said he would grant the lad's wish. So he caused him to be provided with all kinds of weapons, and consented that the dog should follow him. A servant of the king conducted the young prince to the eastern frontier, 1 and said: "Now you may go wherever you desire." The lad called his dog, and set his face toward the north. He hunted on his way and fared well. In time he reached the country of Naharina (Mitanni), and went to the house of a chief. Now the chief was without a son, and he had but one daughter and she was very fair. He had caused to be erected for her a stately tower with seventy windows, on the summit of a cliff 700 feet from the ground. The fame of the girl went abroad, and her father sent for all the sons of chiefs in the land and said to them: "My daughter will be given in marriage to the youth who can climb up to her window." Day after day the lads endeavoured to scale the cliff, and one afternoon when they were so engaged the young prince arrived and saw them. He was given hearty welcome. They took him to their house, they cleansed him with water and gave him perfumes, and then they set food before him and gave fodder to his horse. They showed him great kindness, and brought sandals to him. Then they said: "Whence come ye, young man?" The prince answered: "I am the son of one of the Pharaoh's charioteers. My mother died, and my father then took another wife, who hates me. I have run away from home." He said no more. They kissed him as if he were a brother, and prevailed upon him to tarry with them a while. "What can I do here?" asked the prince. The young men said: "Each day we try to scale the cliff and reach the window of the chief's daughter. She is very fair, and will be given in marriage to the fortunate one who can climb up to her." On the next day they resumed their wonted task, and the prince stood apart, watching them. Then day followed day, and they endeavoured in vain to reach the window, while he looked on. It came to pass at length that the prince said to the others: "If you consent, I will make endeavour also; I should like to climb among you." They gave him leave to join them in the daily task. Now it chanced that the beautiful daughter of the chief in Naharina looked down from her window in the high tower, gazing upon the youths. The prince saw her, and he began to climb with the sons of the chiefs, and he went up and up until he reached the window of the great chief's daughter, the fair one. She took him in her arms and she kissed him. Then one who had looked on, sought to make glad the heart of the girl's father, and hastened to him and spoke, saying: "At last one of the youths has reached the window of your daughter." The great chief asked: "Whose son is he?" He was told: "The youth is the son of one of the Pharaoh's charioteers, who fled from Egypt because of his stepmother." Then was the great chief very angry, and he said: "Am I to give my daughter in marriage to an Egyptian fugitive? Order him to return at once to his own land." Messengers were sent to the youth in the tower, and they said to him: "Begone! You must return to the place whence you came." But the fair maid clung to him. She called upon the god, and swore an oath, saying: "By the name of Ra Harmachis, if he is not to be mine, I will neither eat nor drink again." When she had spoken thus s he grew faint, as if she were about to die. A messenger hastened to her father and told him what the girl had vowed and how she thereupon sank fainting. The great chief then sent men to put the stranger to death if he remained in the tower. When they came nigh the girl, she cried: "By the god, if you slay my chosen one, I will die also. I will not live a single hour if he is taken from me." The girl's words were repeated to her father, and he, the great chief, said: "Let the young man, this stranger, be brought into my presence." Then was the prince taken before the great chief. He was stricken with fear, but the girl's father embraced him and kissed him, saying: "You are indeed a noble youth. Tell me who you are. I love you as if you were mine own son." The prince made answer: "My father is a charioteer in the army of the Pharaoh. My mother died, and my father then took another wife, who hates me. I have run away from home." The great chief gave his daughter to the prince for wife, and provided a goodly dwelling, with servants, a portion of land, and many cattle. It came to pass some time after this that the prince spoke to his wife, saying: "It is my destiny to die one of three deaths-either by a crocodile, or a serpent, or a dog." "Let the dog be slain at once," urged the woman. Said the prince: "I will not permit that my dog be slain. Besides, he would never do me harm." His wife was much concerned for his safety. He would not let the dog go out unless he went with it. It came to pass that the prince travelled with his wife to the land of Egypt, and visited the place in which he had formerly dwelt. A giant was with him there. The giant would not allow him to go out after dark, because a crocodile came up from the river each night. But the giant himself went forth, and the crocodile sought in vain to escape him. He bewitched it. He continued to go out each night, and when dawn came the prince went abroad, and the giant lay down to sleep. This continued for the space of two months. It came to pass on a certain day that the prince made merry in his house. There was a great feast. When darkness fell he lay down to rest, and he fell asleep. His wife busied herself cleansing and anointing her body. Suddenly she beheld a serpent which crept out of a hole to sting the prince. She was sitting beside him, and she called the servants to fill a bowl with milk and honeyed wine for the serpent, and it drank thereof and was intoxicated. Then it was rendered helpless, and rolled over. The woman seized her dagger and slew the serpent, which she flung into her bath. When she had finished, she awoke the prince, who marvelled greatly that he had escaped, and his wife said: "Behold the god has given me the chance to remove one of your dooms. He will let me strike another blow." The prince made offerings to the god, and prostrated himself, and he continued so to do every day. It came to pass many days afterwards that the prince went out to walk some distance from his house. He did not go alone, for his dog followed him. It chanced that the dog seized an animal in flight, and the prince followed the chase, running. He reached a place near the bank of the river and went down after the dog. Now the dog was beside the crocodile, who led the prince to the place where the giant was. The crocodile said: "I am your doom and I follow you . . . (I cannot contend) with the giant, but, remember, I will watch you. . . . You may bewitch me (like) the giant, but if you see (me coming once again you will certainly perish). Now it came to pass, after the space of two months, that the prince went . . . ================================================================= Note.--Here the British Museum papyrus, which contains several doubtful sentences, is mutilated and ends abruptly. The conclusion of the story is left, therefore, to our imaginations. One cannot help being struck with certain resemblances in the ancient narrative to a familiar type of Celtic story, which relates the adventures of a king's son who goes forth disguised as "a poor lad" to seek his fortunes and win a bride by performing some heroic deed in a foreign country. The lady in the lofty tower is familiar. In Irish mythology she is the daughter of Balor, King of Night, who had her secluded thus because it was prophesied that her son would slay him. But the Cyclopean smith, Mackinley, won her, and her son Lugh, the dawn god, killed Balor with the "round stone", which was the sun. The mother of the Greek Hermes, who slew his grandson, Argus, with the "round stone", was concealed in a secret underground chamber, from which her lover rescued her. Apparently the Egyptian prince was safe so long as he resided in a foreign country, and that may be the reason why his father had him conducted to the frontier. It would appear also that he has nothing to fear during the day. The crocodile is bewitched so long as the giant ties in slumber. In certain European stories a man who works a spell must similarly go to sleep. When Sigurd (the Norse Siegfried) roasts the dragon's heart, Regin lies down to sleep, and when Finn-mac-Coul (the, Scottish Finn) roasts the salmon, Black Arky, his father's murderer, lies asleep also. (See Teutonic Myth and Legend.) In a Sutherlandshire story a magician goes to sleep while snakes are being boiled to obtain a curative potion. The Egyptian protecting giant (also translated "mighty man") is likewise familiar in a certain class of Scottish (? Mediterranean) folktales. In our Northern legends which relate the wonderful feats of the disguised son of a king he invariably lies asleep with his head on the knees of the fair lady who "combs his hair". She sees "the beast" (or dragon) coming against her and awakens him. In this Egyptian tale the woman, however, slays the serpent, which comes against the man instead. Readers will naturally ask: "Was the prince killed by the crocodile or by the dog? . . . Or did he escape? Was his wife given the opportunity to strike a blow?" In "Celtic" stories the "first blow" is allowed, and it is invariably successful. One relates that a woman saved a hero's life by striking, as was her privilege, the first blow, and, as she used a magic wand, she slew the sleeping giant who was to strike the next "trial blow". Was the crocodile slain in the end, and did the dog kill his master by accident? This faithful animal is of familiar type. He is one of the dogs "which has its day". In Northern tales the dog is sometimes slain by its master after it has successfully overcome a monster of the night. The terrible combat renders it dangerous afterwards. Besides, "it had its day". Did the Egyptian dog kill the crocodile? Or did the prince's wife slay the dog, thinking the crocodile was unable to injure her husband? And was the spell then broken, and the crocodile permitted to slay the prince? The problem may be solved if, and when, another version of this ancient story is discovered.

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The Island of Enchantment

Once upon a time a ship set forth on a voyage to the mines of Sinai, and it was swamped in a storm. All the sailors were drowned save one, who swam to the Isle of Enchantment, which was inhabited by the "manes"--serpent gods who have heads and arms like to human beings and are able to hold converse in speech.

When this man returned to Egypt he related his wonderful story unto his lord, saying: "Now, be well satisfied that I have come back although alone. Your ship on which I have returned is safe, and no men are missing. I was rescued by it, and I had no other means of escape. When you have cleansed your limbs, I pray you to inform the Pharaoh of the things which have befallen me."

The master said: "So you persist in repeating this tale of yours. But speak on. I will hear you to the end, and, perchance, your words will betray the truth. But lower your voice and say what you have to say without excitement."

The sailor said: "I will begin at the beginning, and relate what happened to myself. I voyaged towards the mines in your great ship, in which were 150 of the finest sailors in Egypt. They were all stout-hearted men. Now, some said that the wind would be unfavourable, and others said that there would be no wind at all. As it chanced., a great storm arose, and the ship was tossed about in the midst of high billows so that it was swamped. When I found myself in the angry waters., I clung to a floating spar. All the others were drowned. In time I was cast ashore, and I found myself on a lonely island, where I lay helplessly for three days and three nights. Then I began to revive. I was faint with hunger and thirst, and went to search for food, and I found fruit and birds and fishes, and ate thereof. I gave thanks to the god because that I was alive, and offered up a sacrifice.

"No sooner had I given thanks in this manner than I heard a loud noise like to thunder, and the earth trembled beneath me and the trees were stricken as with tempest. I hid my face with terror, and after I had lain a time on the ground I looked up and beheld a giant serpent god with human face and arms. He wore a long beard, and his body was golden and blue.

"I prostrated myself before him, and he spake, saying: 'Speak and tell, little fellow, speak and tell why you have come hither. If you do not speak without delay, I will cause your life to end. If you do not tell me what I have not heard and what I do not know, 1 I will cause you to pass out of existence like a flame which has been extinguished.'

"Ere I answered him he carried me inland and set me down without injury, whereupon I said that I had come from the land of Egypt in a great ship which perished in the storm, and that I had clung to a spar and was washed ashore.

"The serpent god heard, and said: 'Do not be terrified, little fellow, do not be terrified, and be cheerful of countenance, for it is the god who sent you hither to me. Here you may dwell until four moons wax and wane; then a ship will come, and you will depart in it and return once again to the land of Egypt. . . . It is pleasant to hold converse. Know, then, that I dwell here with my kind, and I have children, and there is also a girl who perished by accident in a fire. I will take you to my home, and you will return to yours again in time.'

"When the giant serpent god had spoken thus I prostrated myself before him, and I said: 'To the King of Egypt I will relate the things I have seen. I will laud your name, and offerings of oil and perfumes will be made to you. Asses and birds will I sacrifice to you, and the king will send you rich offerings because you are a benefactor of mankind.'

"'I need not your perfumes,' answered the serpent god. 'I am a ruler of Punt, and these I possess in abundance, but I have no oil of Egypt here. But know that when you go away this island will never again be seen by any man; it will vanish in the midst of the sea.'

"When four moons had waxed and waned, a ship appeared as the serpent god had foretold. I knelt down and bade farewell to the inhabitants of the island of enchantment, and the great god gave me gifts of perfumes and ivory and much treasure, and he gave me also rare woods and baboons. I took my leave with grateful heart, and I thanked the god because of my deliverance. Then I went to the shore and hailed the ship, and was taken aboard it.

These are the things which happened unto me, my lord and master. Now conduct me, I pray you, before His Majesty that I may present him with the gifts of the serpent god. . . . Look upon me, for I have returned to tell of the wonders I did behold with mine eyes. . . . In my youth I was instructed to acquire wisdom so that I might be highly esteemed. Now I have become a wise man indeed."

Apparently "the master" was convinced by this wonderful story, which was duly recorded by a scribe of the temple of Amon.

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